A Renewed Sense of Purpose

Last night was the first night that I didn't cry myself to sleep. I actually got a decent night's rest. I've found it hard to avoid being grouchy at school since the tragedy. That is exactly what those kids DON'T need. The only thing that's kept me somewhat calm the last couple of days is that through all of the emotions I've experienced, the one that prevails during the day is hope. When I'm at home, I just can't help but cry most of the time. However, when I'm at school, I look into the eyes of these sweet and innocent children and a flicker of hope rises within me. I have a hope that somehow what I'm doing is not in vain. Somehow, I will be able to make a difference in some of their lives. Maybe I made a difference in Mack’s life, I know he made a difference in mine!

Today I received a phone call from one of my students. She got my cell phone number from a note I sent home to her mom about taking her to the movies. Her mom was at work today and she was staying with some of her cousins or aunties. She just called to shoot the breeze. She was soooo excited to be talking to me on the phone, but only about half as excited as I was to be talking to her. That's just what I needed during this time of sorrow. Moments like that help validate what I am doing with my life. Tomorrow, I will be taking her to see the Chronicles of Narnia as a reward for getting her name drawn from the "good behavior tub." I suspect that her older brother and sister will want to come along. I hope they do.

I had her older sister in class last year. First semester I enlisted the older sister's help in teaching my current student the sounds of the alphabet. I promised I would take them both to Sonic if she could learn all of her letters and letter sounds. They happily reported that when either of them got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom they would promptly wake the other one up and practice on the letters and sounds. Now that’s dedication! As you might suppose, she knows them all quite well now.

I have come to realize over the course of events that have transpired this week that I cannot protect these children from the harsh realities that surround them, but I can do my part to make their lives a little bit happier and hopefully more meaningful. When a child squeals at the sight of me and runs open-armed across the room to give me a hug it really makes my life meaningful. From there, all I can do is pray that no harm will come to them.