Well, for many reasons which I shall not go into right now, many of you (and, by that, I mean my single reader, Blake Blackwell) have been aware of my temporary blog posting strike. After a huge personal epiphany this evening, I have decided to temporarily lift this strike, as I feel I have something to say.
All my life, I have been a hard worker and someone who gets quite a bit done every day. I get probably five times done in a day as does the average person. Sometimes this is a very beneficial (efficient, as I like to think) quality, while at others times it can be an annoyance to me as well as to the people around me. A drawback to this efficiency for me is that I cannot leave things undone - especially in the area of helping children who need a hand up. I also have little or no patience with those who are able to ignore or forget about children in need. These constant projects leave me with little leisure time (though I thoroughly enjoy everything I do with these kids). For others, it can be frustrating, first of all, because I am spread so thin that it can be down right annoying, and secondly, because I don't have time to freak out about little things. Those who are, by nature, high-stress individuals, do not like it when other people "let things go."
These qualities I possess also, at times, drive me to attempt huge feats. Right now I am working like a dog (in addition to my full-time job, my four little league basketball teams, my jump rope team, and my full-time grad school load) to acquire some financial security and freedom - possibly through real estate investment. I am the type of personality who could easily become wealthy if I invested some of my time and effort into an endeavor such as this. I am, and have always been, aware of this potential, and in the past two weeks I have become arrogant and pompous in regards to these and other abilities. I've always been somewhat impatient with people who I (maybe unnecessarily and undeservedly and maybe not - though it is irrelevant) deem as unmotivated or even somewhat senseless, but my superiority complex has reached an all new level recently.
I came upon this realization this evening as I was discussing this issue with someone, who for some wildly odd reason of which I know not, has the ability to bring out and amplify the most negative characteristics that I have (through no fault or prompting of his own). I have to say though, that after realizing my thought processes in talking to this person tonight, I am a little bit fearful of my selfish attitude. I even said myself at one point, "That is not very Christian of me, BUT..." There is no but there. That should be the end of it for me.
I have to admit that as I worked myself up into a self-loving frenzy, I realized that I am becoming too independent. Jesus is the person I need to be on my knees thanking for my good fortune, happy life, and most importantly, salvation. I am such an independent person, that I tend to rely solely on myself. The only problem with that is, I am NOTHING on my own. May the Lord forgive me for my haughty attitude, and may I come to rely more on Him in the future after coming to this realization!
Update on this blog:
I have decided through much prayer and discussion with other Christians that I am not going to pursue real estate investing or other financial opportunities at this time. Though it is often difficult to make ends meet with a mortgage, a car payment, student loans, etc. on a single person income, I am not on this earth to be monetarily rich. I
am rich in the love of children, the love of friends, the love of family, and most importantly - the love of God. That is all I need. While it would be nice to go on a cruise every once in a while, to take more trips to see my family, and other things that cost money that I don't have the funds to do, what I
do get to do every day is far more fulfilling and important in the grand scheme of things and doesn't cost me anything.
