I have a deep sense of fulfillment here of late. I have experienced things as a foster mother that I don't think I ever would have experienced in any other facet of my life. Just tonight, Kealani and I bought a peel off face rejuvenating mask. It was so fun putting it on our faces, watching her try to resist the urge to rub it off before it dried, seeing the battle that ensued with her face as a result of rubbing it too thin to be able to peel it off properly, then watching her giggle her head off as I viciously scrubbed at the residue she couldn't peel off. Hearing her utter over and over again that she hoped she wasn't going to pull her eyeballs out as she tore the "skin" off her face was just hilarious. She gets so excited about things…little, tiny things that would be almost meaningless to calloused adults, that I can hardly contain myself FOR her.

I have also had this sense of overwhelming joy at how kind natured so many people are. After the devastating loss of Jonathon, I was really down on mankind in general and feeling like things were so bleak and people so inherently evil that I almost couldn’t bear the emotional burden of it all. So many people have proven just the opposite to me in the last few days though.

It started Friday afternoon in the Dollar Tree when the lady in front of us was so sweetly smiling at the three girls I had with me and talking so kindly to them. She overheard them talking about the gummy eyeball candy by the checkout and heard us discussing them at length. She told the girls that she actually thought she needed some gummy eyeballs and added them to her slew of items. Once the cashier rung them up, she turned around to us, handed us the gummy eyeballs, and told us she knew we needed them and wanted to give them to us. That was so overwhelmingly kind, that I almost burst into tears at that moment. God used that lady to begin to restore my faith in mankind that day. That one simple act of buying a package of one dollar gummy eyeballs did me wonders and put a huge smile on the face of the girls to boot. Those eyeballs were the best gummy candies I’ve ever tasted. I’m pretty sure it had little to do with the actual taste.

A couple of days later, my real estate agent showed up at the school. She had some papers for me to sign. Over the last week and a half, I’ve thought that the deal on the house might be doomed to failure because of the results of the inspection. However, to ensure that the seller would pay the costs of the needed repairs, not only did my sweet real estate lady decide to sacrifice her share of the commission, but so did the seller’s agent (who, I might add, I have never even met). He heard about me and Kealani through our real estate lady. He wanted to help me have a place to better serve others and for Kealani to have the peace of mind that she associates with a house. What complete kindness! They have both put SO much time and effort into getting that house sold, and now they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts alone.

If that isn’t enough to restore your faith in mankind, yesterday, one of my fellow teachers heard about some eye problems Kealani has. The procedure (which so far isn’t covered by her medical insurance) could theoretically cost up to $10,000. The eye specialist estimates about $3,500. My fellow teacher knows a man who works for an eye doctor. He contacted the guy and told him about Kealani’s situation. He said that if they don’t take her insurance, even if he has to provide the treatment for her himself, they won’t charge us a penny. In addition to that, he agreed to find a way to get her glasses for free if we didn’t have a way to do that already. This man has never even MET me or Kealani.

WOW is all I can say to all of these things. God is good all the time…all the time God is good!

Jonathan Chandler

A very special big oaf of a teddy bear, Jonathan Chandler was one of my favorite assistants at school. He was the assistant in Kealani's classroom and always bent over backwards to communicate to me what she needed help with at home.

On a broader note, he was always confiding in me about his desires to be more like what God wanted him to be and asking me to pray for him. He was quick to pass out compliments and slow to accept them due to his humble nature. He could reprimand a child softly but nothing beyond that because he didn't want to break their spirits. When kids were shouting and carrying on nonsensically around him, he just spoke softly to them and tried to help them calm down and come to their senses.

A couple of days ago, Jonathan was shot and killed. I still don't really believe it happened. I've seen it on the news a few times and we've all talked about it umpteen times as well as shared our favorite goofy Jonathan memories, not to mention crying about it quite a bit. However, I still keep waiting for him to walk through the door of the teacher's workroom in his big loafers and striped button up shirt. Today as I attended some P.E. training that none of the other teachers wanted to come to (and I can't say I blame them) even though I was supposed to bring another person from school , I started thinking about why I hadn't asked Jonathan to come. I knew if I would have asked him personally, he would have come if he wasn't working at his other job. I forgot for a moment that I couldn't ask him to do things like that anymore because it doesn't feel like he's really gone.

Jonathan really wanted to help me coach basketball. He had volunteered after last year's season was over (right around the time he was hired) to coach this year. His circumstances were such though, that he was going to have to wait until next year. He had taken on a second job at McDonald's to be in better financial position. He was wanting to get his college degree and was working towards that goal by working to put himself in a better financial position. Mr. Chandler had his faults like all of us, but he worked so hard at trying to overcome the sins that were his particular vices. He wasn't opposed to asking for help and really epitomized how Christians should depend upon one another to be held accountable and to grow in their faith. He surrounded himself with people who would build him up and focused on trying to help others be built up as well.

I really hope they catch his killer, but more importantly I hope I (and others) grow from this as opposed to allowing this to weaken my (our) faith. Seeing how his closest friends in the faith are taking this, the pendulum is swinging away from the faith weakening to the faith building end of the spectrum. What a shame though that someone robbed those precious kids of a good, black male mentor, role model, and friend. I hope they will remember how JC turned his life around from the spiritual dumps of his teenage years into a Godly spiritual beacon of hope to all who have had such deep struggles such as the ones Jonathan fought with over the years.